Passing Through
by jaclynkaileigh
Summary: So this is what it feels like to have someone break you. Dropping to the soft grass below her, her tears turned to soul shaking sobs. She grasped where her heart was and wondered if it would stop pumping, for without him she felt like there was no point...Previously a one shot. WinryXEdXRose...
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is something I feel everyone can relate to at one point or another in their life. True loss is how we learn to appreciate everything that's left when the dust settles. True pain is how we are able to feel real lasting happiness. In any case please REVIEW and let me know what you think of this.**

  
As she watched his back depart down the road, and disappear from her sight she felt her warm silent tears slip down her cheeks grazing her lips as they fell. So this is what it feels like to have someone break you. Dropping to the soft grass below her, her tears turned to soul shaking sobs. She grasped where her heart was and wondered if it would stop pumping, for without him she felt like there was no point.

Growing up she had always imagined that someday Ed would finish his journey and return to her, and someday reciprocate the feelings she had tucked away for the day she could share them with him. When Al and him had arrived after The Promised Day she truly believed that she couldn't be happier. Spending time with her while she worked, taking walks into town and even sharing their first kiss, she was sure in time this man would always be hers.

One night every dream and desire culminated in the completion of their bodies entwining. Their passion was hot, untamed and utterly fascinating. He watched with amber lust hazed eyes every twitch and tremble of her body, and she learned every groove and caress his glorious golden body had to offer. He had stretched his firm body across hers and made her whole, slipping between her thighs and burying himself inside her. Ed and her grinded with a rhythm she'd never known and would never forget, the music being their muffled moans and stifled cries. Floating on a wave of total satisfaction, she drifted to sleep in the arms of the only man she'd ever loved.

Upon waking, she rolled over and reached her arm towards the other side of the bed expecting to meet the resistance of his warm body but only felt sheets. Gingerly raising herself from the bed she noticed that his clothes were also gone. Glancing to her bedside table she saw a note addressed to her in Ed's careless scrawl.****

WINRY,

I HAD TO LEAVE, I COULDN'T SEE YOUR FACE WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS.  
I WANTED TO STAY BUT I KNOW IF I STAY NOW, YOU WILL EXPECT ME TO STAY FOR GOOD AND I'M JUST NOT READY. I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE 'HIM' SO I'M ASKING YOU NOT TO WAIT FOR ME. LIVE YOUR LIFE, DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. WHEN I'VE RESEARCHED EVERYTHING I NEED TO I WILL COME BACK, BUT I CAN'T MAKE ANY PROMISES OF WHEN BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BREAK THEM. I CARE FOR YOU AND LAST NIGHT WAS INCREDIBLE, BUT I JUST CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW. I REALLY DON'T KNOW IF I WILL EVER BE ABLE TO.

ED

Her shaking hands flipped over the paper, as if expecting their to be some secret message for her on the opposite side that negated everything on the front. Rising to her feet, she put the note in her bedside table drawer and decided not to freak out yet. More than likely Ed was just scared by the level of intimacy they had shared and couldn't come to terms with such a huge change in their relationship yet. That was fine, she could handle that. She would give him time to clear his head, do his research and realize what an IDIOT he was being.

This mindset lasted around a year. No one had heard from him, not even Al who had dutifully stayed by her side and took care of her on days that her facade crumbled and she fell apart. However even his plans were turning to those of leaving as well. Why couldn't anyone just stay put for a little while! She understood what Alphonse wanted to do and was even proud of it, but the idea of staying here alone again tore her apart. But she couldn't dwell on that, any day now Ed would coming back to sheepishly apologize and the world would be set right.

After Al had arrived in Xing he had finally reached a phone to let Winry know he had made it there and everything was fine. He had begun talking about Ed and said he had something important to tell her before she heard from someone else, but at the same time she saw a man walking down the road. Quickly slamming the phone down she rushed out the door to greet the Alchemy Freak she had missed so dearly. Jumping into his arms, she realized he wasn't returning the embrace. Stepping backwards she looked into his eyes to scry the intent behind his lack of reaction.

He wasn't here to claim her. He was here to tell her he had already been claimed. She felt like someone had punched her in the throat, she wasn't even able to speak. How could this be happening? She had been the one to put him back on his feet, she had been the one to continually put him back together! Why had he kissed her, touched her, slept with her!? Tears rushed down her face, she turned her shining blue eyes up to him and only allowed herself one word.

"Who?" A blood red blush covered his face instantly. Clearly he had not wanted to share this.

"Rose, a woman I met in Liore when Al and I went and exposed a fake to the people who lived there." His tone while relaying this was one of 'I truly don't want to be talking about this to you.' She instantly hated this faceless woman who was ruining her life. "I came to tell you that I'm sorry about everything, and while I love you and always will...I have to be with her, she needs me. We are getting married soon, and I didn't want you to find out from anyone else you deserve more than that." A deafening crack sounded in the air, Winry pulled back her hand to make sure she had in fact been the one to slap him. She hadn't even realized she'd done it. Shock must've been sitting on her face because he began speaking again. "It's okay, Win I deserve it and more."

"Don't call me Win, you are never allowed to call me that again. I don't understand you Edward, you just said you loved me and always will, you've kissed me, you've been the only man I have ever been intimate with and for all of that you are marrying some random girl! You say she needs you? No, I NEED you Ed! You are all that I ever wanted, I waited on you for years while you left me to do what you needed and now you are leaving again! Worst of all to be with some other woman! Instead of feeding me bullshit about loving me and how she needs you, how about you just say it? Tell me you love her and that you don't love me. That's all I want, some honesty from you." Winry was a breath away from his face. A fly away piece of his long hair tickled the side of her wet cheek getting caught there. To anyone passing by, they were close enough to be nearly kissing.

"I can't."

"Why not Ed!? If you love her, fine marry her. If you love me at all then don't do this. Give us a chance." Laying her palm flat across his heart, she looked up at him begging him to choose her and give them a real chance.

"I can't no matter what I may think or feel, she is pregnant Winry. I can't -" Cutting him off by placing her index and middle finger over his lips, she closed her eyes and let more crystalline tears roll down her face. Letting her hand fall she replaced her fingers with her own lips, pressing once lightly then stepping away. The worse part was watching him actually reach out for her and having step away from him. To be certain if she let him touch her, she wouldn't stop and then they would both be sorry later.

"You'd better go Ed, you have someone who is waiting on you." All she wanted was for him to leave before she fell apart. Her whole frame was vibrating just trying to keep herself together in front of him.

"Winry-" His molten eyes bore into her, tearing down the shreds of self worth she had. If he didn't leave now who knew what she would resort to to keep him around.

"JUST GO!" Her voiced cracked at the end, making her word come out as a squeal. He began backing away from her when something shimmered and caught her eye as he did. But she wouldn't let herself be fooled, perhaps a drop of rain had fallen on his face and streaked down his chin because there was no way it could be anything else. He seemed to mouth something to her and then turn around and continue walking. She would have to be a fool to read anything into any of it though. As he vanished into the skyline and she fell to her knees sobbing, the sobs broke into screams then crumbled into laughter.

After some time she stood up, brushed herself off and walked back into the house, sparing just one backward glance to where he had last stood. Hearing the phone ring brought her back into the present. For the moment she had recovered but who really knew how long the false sense of bravado would take to wear off. But for now a muted numbness might be exactly what she needed. Anything was better than thinking about how long she had spent waiting for a time that would never come.

****

AN: I planned on this being a one-shot and may leave it still. Though I am half tempted to do a continuation of what could happen next...not sure though since it could take on tones of another idea I had in mind. In any case let me know what you think one way or the other with a REVIEW!


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hey everyone that read the first chapter in what I now feel compelled to turn into to more than a one shot. I feel like I owe them more than what I received, because I have gone through something like what I previously wrote. I'm not promising that this will have an ending anyone will like but I just wanted to do a little more. Thank you everyone who reads and reviews, they are much appreciated. I'm sorry I'm not writing AOS right this second to anyone who is waiting for the update on that, I just wanted to expand a bit : )**

Disclaimer: No rights.

Walking around the empty house was getting to be Winry's worst nightmare, now that Granny was gone all she could hear were the sounds of people who weren't around through the once beloved home. Ed had left her three months, two days, ten hours and around fifty minutes ago. She was to the point of actually watching the second hand tick on the large clock in the livingroom, she couldn't stand to listen to it one millisecond longer. Standing abruptly she began to pack, she had spoken to Garfiel earlier in week about continuing her tutelage and completing her Master's in automail engineering. She was so close to being done, and felt like she owed it to her Granny and herself to finish what she had started. So it was with this thought that she gathered her bags and shut the door behind her, beginning her journey forward in life.

When she arrived in Rush Valley, she noticed it seemed more busy than it normally was which would mean work right away. Grabbing her bags she started walking towards Garfiel's shop, she was excited to see him. He was a quirky sort of man, besides being hopelessly more boy crazy than any woman she'd met, he always had a way of helping her forget any troubles that crossed her mind. The weather was perfect, sunny with a cool breeze blowing through the packed street. She was walking with the single minded focus of buckling down and completing her certification so that she could travel and help people. As much grief as she had always given the Elrics for traveling all the time, she could understand now not having anything left herself why it could be cathartic. Rounding the corner onto the road Garfiel's shop was on, she abruptly ran into a man, scattering her bags and falling. She had begun apologizing about not paying attention before she had even looked up, but when she did raise her eyes her words died in her throat as she stared into honeyed eyes that seemed to penetrate through her.

"Oh, uh..." Was all she managed and then she berated herself mentally for not being able to come up with one single sentence of actual words to THIS man. How could this possibly be happening, what the hell were the odds that when she left Resembool he would be in Rush Valley? Oh, she had a guess as to why and seeing the way he was awkwardly standing frozen in shock she could just imagine why he was. Reflexively she continued her line of thought aloud. "You better not have broken MY automail Ed, I see the way you are favoring your other leg, if there is one scratch on my precious work I will..." Realizing that she had just spoken to him as if he hadn't broken her heart and ruined her life, her hand clasped over her mouth trying to stop anymore from coming out without consent. She had wondered what she would do if she saw him again, but she never thought it would've been in this decade, if ever for that matter. She noticed then that his hand was resting on her shoulder and that he had picked up all of her bags. Now that she acknowledged his touch, she could feel the warmth spread through more than just where he had his hand. With this thought her stomach flipped and she took a step back away from him.

He was wearing a blush that seemed to grow as he also noticed that he had been touching her involuntarily. Carnal images of their night together flashed through her mind and she took in his muscular body flexed from holding her many bags, and his surprisingly tender lips parted as if wanting to reply. Shaking her head of all useless thoughts, she took her bags from his hands, feeling his roughened skin against her own setting her heart to an unsafe rhythm. "Haha, well I guess it's really none of my business what you do with your body..." At this statement, she felt heat rush to her own cheeks at the realization that that statement could certainly be taken more than one way. His eyes flashed to hers at the words as well. Plastering a smile on her face she knew she needed to get away from him before she either beat him with her wrench until he understood wordlessly who should be the only person who knew his body, or cry and beg him to be with her. "Anyways, I've got to get settled in so, bye." She needed to get as far away from his as possible.

"Wait Winry!" Oh, he seemed to have found his voice and what a voice it was, so familiar and yet deepened some just from the last time she had seen him.

She bit her lip anxiously, then turned to face him. "Yes Ed?" Bleh, why had her voice come out so breathy? What was she expecting?

"I came here about a week ago looking for someone to work on my leg, but I just couldn't seem to let anyone else work on it..." He trailed off embarrassed, as if he didn't even want to ask her.

"Sure, Ed. I'll fix it for you. But you are going to have to give me some time, I'm only just arriving. Come by Garfiel's tomorrow, it's Friday so I am sure he will be busy. If you get there early enough then I can just set you up in my room so that he doesn't have to feel bad for turning people away." Garfiel was one of the best automail engineers that she had been lucky enough to know, and gauging from how the population seemed to have doubled she was sure the shop would be a madhouse tomorrow. Squaring her shoulders, she tried to ignore the voice inside her that was telling her that seeing him was torture. Or more appropriately like a drug, better to just stop cold turkey than getting little buzzes here and there and keeping her addicted. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." He seemed to echo. Man, she must be a glutton for punishment. What did she think could come out of this? Eventually he would have to find another mechanic, though the idea was repellent. She didn't think she had it in her to fix him up over the course of the years. Trying to make wooden small talk and avoiding all the things one generally surface level spoke about. No, that wouldn't work. She would have to set him straight, after this tune up they needed to go their separate ways. Of course, she could make him a few extras to have another mechanic attach for him and maybe some replacement parts. They could talk about options tomorrow, she would be professional and do her job. Then he could walk off and leave her like normal. This was such a bad idea, but she would be lying to herself if she said she didn't want to see him again. Or touch him. No, she couldn't afford to think like that. He was a childhood friend that she would do this last favor for, and that was it.

**AN: Alright guys let me know what you think and if this is worth continuing with your REVIEWS!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hey everybody, hope you all liked the last chapter. I know they are kind of short, but I always like giving faster updates rather than long ones. Let me know what you guys think so far and what you would like to see in the future. As always please REVIEW!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.**

Truthfully Winry had never been a girly girl, though she did like the idea of looking good in front of Ed. However being in her line of work it was a bit impractical to wear nice things while working with oil. Running on only about an hour of sleep, she knew she didn't look her best and so she did something she rarely did and decided to apply a small amount of make up. Washing the sleeplessness from her face with cool water, she tried to gently make her eyes look less tired. Smoothing a dab of moisturizing cream to her face, she felt the puffiness start to fade. Flipping her head over, she tousled her hair to give it body then took her time to smooth her hair and let it fall in silvery blonde waves around her face. She put a hint of mascara on, pinched her cheeks and brushed a hint of color on her lips deciding that was about as good as she would get without looking like she was trying.

Walking to her already tidy closet, she began trying to find something attractive and practical to wear. Of course now it seemed like she owned nothing that would suit both the needs of work and showing off what he was missing out on. Sighing in defeat she grabbed her old faithful outfit of a rolled down below the navel work suit and her favorite black tube top, which she was fairly bursting out of with her more than gracious bust. She dabbed a bit of perfume at her pulse points and started clearing off a place to set up her tools.

Ed had always laughed at her for neatly lining up her collection of wrenches, nuts and bolts because by the time she was done they were always scattered in disarray, much like her life was starting to feel. How could she have run into the very man she had left Resembool to escape the memories of? She had been in desperate need of a clean slate and now here he was and she was just hoping that she could handle the aftermath of this encounter. If only she could just feel friendship for him, or fell in love with Alphonse. Al had always seemed so much older than Ed, maybe from watching his older brother and his generally knee jerk reactions. Unfortunately she had always looked to Al with a sort of kinship that she couldn't make herself replicate with the mouthier Elric brother.

When she looked up, there stood the root of her emotional turmoil staring at her as if trying to read her thoughts.

"Morning Winry." Ed never was a morning person, so she guessed it must've been his nightmare getting up so early.

"Good morning Edward. Go ahead take off your pants and get comfortable on the bed." A faint blush touched her cheeks at her own words. Why did everything she said come out sounding like a sexual innuendo? He must have noticed her reaction given the appearance of a bitten back smile that briefly crossed his face. Turning to grab her tools, she heard the sound of his pants falling to wooden floor and abruptly she wished it wasn't for a damn service call. Halting that thought right in it's tracks, she briskly shook her head and pulled a chair up to the side of the bed. Reaching a hand out to start checking the skin around the port where his leg connected, she noticed him tense when her hand gently explored the area for any damage. She wasn't sure if it was in response to her questing hand or from the clear stretching of his skin, but in a way she hoped it was from the former. The idea that he might feel as nervous as she did comforted her minutely. "Well, you have some pulling away from the port itself...this must have been hurting for a while now." Letting her hand slip from high on his thigh onto the cool metal that took the place of his flesh and blood limb, she began checking inside the outer panel for further issues.

Immediately it was clear that one of the tubes running hydraulic fluid from the toes to the port itself was punctured and had been leaking all over the inside of the gears and was beginning to rust them. No wonder he was favoring his other leg, this had to be unbearable. Leave it to Ed to keep pushing forward on a bum leg with no regard for himself. "Wow, I think this might actually be worse than you breaking it altogether." Muttering to herself, she measured his flesh leg and then the automail one, he had grown another inch. "I might as well make you a whole new leg anyways, this one is an inch shorter than your other I'm sure you are glad to hear." She had come across more dispassionately than she had intended, but every outburst about his height a few years ago came to mind. As much as she was happy he wasn't a midget anymore, she had always enjoyed his spastic strings of obscenities brought on by being told he wasn't of normal stature.

"So how's Granny?" Ed asked conversationally.

"She died about a month and half ago." Amber eyes finally flicked up to meet hers, questions flashing in their depths.

"I didn't know Winry, I'm sorry. What happened?" He seemed genuinely sorry though Granny and him had always argued back and forth about petty things, from drinking milk to what a shrimp he was.

"How would you? You weren't around. I came in from getting parts in town and found her on the kitchen floor, it was awful. She was just lying there lifeless...the last person who truly cared for me, gone." Feeling the tears begin to sting her eyes, she turned to grab a tool from behind her so that she could get herself together. The last thing she wanted to do was to cry in front of him. Warm, strong arms reached out to hold her and she lost it. "DON'T TOUCH ME! YOU WEREN'T THERE! DON'T PRETEND YOU CARE NOW ESPECIALLY WHEN WE BOTH KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO BE GONE AS SOON AS YOU HAVE THIS STUPID AUTOMAIL! THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER BEEN TO YOU IS A FUCKING MECHANIC!" Standing, she turned to pick up the rest of her tools and place them on her desk. She was scared to chance a look at him, but she did. His eyes were covered by his golden bangs shadowing her view from them. She needed space, this wasn't healthy. All she was going to do was say things she regretted and make them both feel worse. "I'll have your leg done by Monday. If you want me to make you an extra I can, but I just need for you to leave. I can't do this right now."

Moving his body so that he could place his feet on the floor, he leaned down to pull his pants on. Turning his face up, he looked like he was going to say something but had thought better of it and instead gazed at her a long moment before leaving. To Hell with him! He thought he could understand what she had been going through, or that he could comfort her after just months ago he had told her he was leaving her for some woman he had already gotten pregnant? Not likely. She had to go help Garfiel, or do anything to get her mind off of him. If she stayed up here she would wallow in anger and sadness all day.

Upon walking down the stairs and looking at Garfiel, her eyes welled up with fresh tears and he took her into a big hug and murmured that things would be alright. She was never good at keeping her feelings from him, in the last two years he had become her best girlfriend. When she was grieving her grandmother, he had cried with her from miles away and talked her into coming back to Rush Valley. He had tried to convince her numerous times that she should come back if not for automail then just so he could play matchmaker for her. As he suggested now. Currently he was trying to talk her into letting him doll her up and take her out for a night of drinking and dancing. Any other day she would say no, but for some reason his idea of just cutting loose and having fun seemed better than staying in and wistfully wishing for things that couldn't be.

****

AN: Alright guys...let me know what you like or don't like! REVIEWS PLEASE!


	4. Chapter 4

Admittedly, Garfiel just might have been in the wrong line of work. After taking a shocked look in the mirror following him jumping up and proclaiming that she was perfect in a sing song voice, she had to give it to him. The girl standing before her in the reflection was blindingly beautiful. Perfectly loose curls hung softly around her face, he had even styled the lighter strands so that they stood out subtly. He had applied designer cosmetics in such a way that she looked natural and would still stand out above any other woman, all while teasing her about how he wished he had her sinfully full pout to work with. No man could possibly say no to a mouth like that he mused while masterfully lining his own lips. Laughing wildly, Winry was so glad she had him as a friend, even as low as she had been feeling he had quickly brightened her sinking spirits.

"Alright, are you ready to see the outfit I picked for you?" Garfiel asked hardly containing his excitement.

Smiling, Winry replied, "I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be." Unzipping the garment bag slowly for effect, Garfiel pulled the dress out...if that is what he was calling this scrap of fabric. Red, generously low in the bust and tight around the waist, flowing gently outward with a short hemline. Red, of course it would be Ed's favorite color. "Wait a second, that's not mine."

"I know dear, but I saw this and just knew how great it would look on you! I just had to get it for you! If I had a figure like yours, I would dress like this all the time and show that silly short stack what he was missing out on." Instantly her eyes were shiny with tears threatening to spill over as she reached out and gave the tall, femininely dressed man a huge hug. After a few seconds, he stepped back and pushed her to his arm's length. "Oh no! You can't cry! Your mascara will run!" Quickly he grabbed a cloth and lightly dabbed the outer corners of her eyes that were luckily still pristine. "Now no more tears darling, slip into that and let's go have some fun." Cheerily smiling, he left her room and waited downstairs for her.

Upon arriving at the bar down the street from Garfiel's shop, they were practically swamped with male interest. In fact Winry now had three drinks sitting in front of her as proof of the fruits of three men's labor. Looking at them trying to discern from color which to try, Garfiel suggested she try the one that was slightly faded yellow to brown. An amaretto sour he had called it, was apparently a safe way to start off since she had never really drank before. Sipping the tart beverage gingerly, she found that she really liked the mixture.

Given all of the attention they were receiving it was hard to have a complete conversation with any of the men gathered around them. There were two similar looking brunettes, that she would bet were brothers both set on trying to get her solitary attention. A funny blonde man, but she was currently off blondes at the moment. Then there was the handsome redhead who had bought her the amaretto sour. He approached her and Garfiel with something he called a 'lemon drop' and she smiled brightly at him. Out of the group around them this particular gentleman was certainly the most attractive. Emerald eyes twinkled at her as the three of them clinked shot glasses. Feeling the moderate burn slip down her throat at the stronger alcohol, she was finding she enjoyed the sensation.

Striking up a conversation with the brothers, Garfiel was currently trying to sway the men to his side of the playing field, unsuccessfully. However their conversation was quite funny to catch side comments from. As to the generous green eyed man named Josh, he was being fairly touchy feely with her. Finding a reason to brush her hand in laughter or tuck a wayward strand out of the way, she found that she was elated to be the center of someone's affections. Momentarily her thoughts strayed to Edward, and how he had always been so reserved in his actions with her. Briefly her smile faltered, and oddly she was suffering the idea that she was the object of a strong gaze. Looking around herself for a few seconds, she tried to quickly see if anyone was outright staring at her. A moment later, the bartender slid her another drink and said it was from the man in the booth at the back of the bar.

Eyes darting to the back of the bar where the barkeep had mentioned, Winry felt her stomach flutter ruthlessly and her cheeks pink immediately at the sight of the exact man she had come out to get off of her mind. Grabbing the glass from the counter, she told Josh that she would be back without another thought. Maybe it was the liquor she had drank in a short time, but she was feeling a sort of false courage as she took a seat across from Ed. The corner he was ensconced in was dark and would have been strangely romantic in another setting. Settling into the seat she noticed he wore a heated expression as her chest was so blatantly bouncing. Quickly he wiped the look from his face.

"Having a good time Winry?" He seemed to wear a bitter smile as he took a swallow of his significantly darker drink. Noticing that his eyes were fairly hazed from a lengthy bit of consumption, she wondered how long he had been there. Had he been drinking all day or just a large amount in a short time?

"Sure, Edward. How about you? Been here long?" Kicking herself mentally, she wished she wouldn't have even asked that. Shrugging noncommittally he didn't seem like he would be giving her an answer. Grabbing her bag, she began to get back up. "Alright, well thank you for the drink, I will leave you..." Reaching out with remarkably reflexive speed for someone who had clearly drank so much, he stopped her from abruptly leaving.

"Wait, don't go. Yes, I have been here most of the day after leaving the shop. You look...wow. Incredible. I like the dress. The color suits you well." A shy smile crossed her face as she sat back down.

"Thank you. Garfiel picked it out for me, for tonight. Have you been drinking the whole day?" Trying not to seem as interested in the response as she was, she took a long sip to quell her nerves.

"More in the last hour than the beginning of the day." He answered truthfully, then blushed crimson himself realizing what he had given away.

"Oh, well why didn't you just come talk to me when I came in then?"

"You looked happy. You deserve to be happy, you haven't had enough good in your life and I know I don't even have a right to be sitting here with you now in my position. All I keep thinking is that someone like you can't possibly stay unattached forever. I know I shouldn't say this, but I am miserable with the way things are." There was that dangerous fluttering in her stomach again. She was so taken back to hear his words spoken aloud that she actually felt somewhat light headed. "The worst part is I don't even know how I ended up in the situation I'm in to begin with."

"Then why keep yourself in it if you know you aren't going to be happy?" Staring into his darkened amber eyes, she couldn't even bring herself to feel any empathy for this faceless woman to steer clear of the conversation she had just immersed herself in. When he didn't answer, she knew what he was thinking without him having to say it. He felt a responsibility to the woman and didn't want to end up like his father by just leaving. However, she had never believed anything but love was worth getting married for. Shaking her head clear of the thought, she took a large drink of her quickly dwindling liquor, wishing that she had another. As if reading her mind, Ed signaled for another round. "You know after this weekend, I won't be seeing you again so you won't have a right to get this hammered if I do choose to move on." Okay, so maybe she had said that last bit just to provoke him because truthfully she knew he would always have her heart. However given the expression that crossed his face it had the intended impact.

"Why do you have to say that Winry, are you planning on going out with that ginger haired fuck over there?" Anger, was clear in his flashing eyes...maybe not quite anger but jealousy? Good, it was only right he feel like she had every moment since he told her he couldn't be with her.

"Well what do you want me to do? Never get married or have children, live my life alone?" Noticing that her voice was raising with all the pent up emotions she had been repressing, she made no attempt to mask her feelings. "So I am just supposed to pretend that it's not killing me that after you gave me the most incredible night of my life and then left to continue your "studies" in the West, you come back only to tell me that you knocked up some girl and that you are getting married!? That's bullshit and you know it, you told me you don't love her. Either you do or you don't and I just want to know which it is, so I can have a chance at a life without you!" Staring him straight in the eyes she waited for him to give her the answer she needed to hear. She saw him clench and release his fists in tension, when the waiter walked up with the round they had been waiting on. Grabbing the glass, she drank steadily until this drink was nearly gone. Ed raised an eyebrow at her, then clinked his glass to hers and followed suit.

"You are the only thing I think about, at night when I'm laying in bed I close my eyes and pretend that I am at Granny's and that you are in the bedroom down the hall working on automail instead of sleeping. Sometimes I play out in my mind what could've happened if I wouldn't have left at all and if I had just woken up with you that morning instead of leaving. Golden kids, laughing and playing while Granny makes them drink their milk so they don't end up the height that their father was." Setting his glass down, he stared distantly into it. The words echoed inside her head, sinking in, breaking her. Silent tears slipped down her cheeks, kissing her lips before hitting the table.

"Isn't that worth fighting for Ed?" Her voice cracked over his name and she realized she couldn't be there any longer and bite back hardly contained sobs that threatened to become quickly audible. In one motion she was out of the booth and walking out of the bar without saying a word to Garfiel.

Wiping tears from her cheeks, she bit her lip to suppress the emotion that was riding heavy on her shoulders. Nearly at jog trying to get into the shop, she pulled her keys out shakily to unlock the door when strong hands lithely stripped them from her fingers and pressed her body against the building, claiming her mouth in a soul searing kiss. Ed's warm hands slid over her back trailing his fingers up and through her silky moon silvered hair. Tugging at the hair at the base of her neck, he tilted her head so he could have access to more of her sweet mouth. Nipping at her lower lip, she moaned breathlessly her need for more of him. Taking her lip into his mouth he sucked and teased the edge with his tongue. Without even realizing he'd unlocked the door, it swung open abruptly, pushing Edward onto her deliciously.

****

AN: And here I will leave you...if you want this to be continued please REVIEW!


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: This chapter's first half is rated M. Don't read if you aren't ready for smut. Enjoy : )**

Within a matter of minutes from tumbling in the front door together, they had somehow made their way to her room in a flurry of clothes scattering and desperate kisses. Ed practically ripped Winry's panties off of her, then picked her up in his arms and set her on the bed. She knew somewhere in her coherent mind that this was a terrible idea and that she would just be worse off when he left this time, but even knowing that she couldn't stop herself from wanting to memorize every line of his muscled body. She wanted to imprint his smell and taste in her soul forever so that even when he left she would be able to remember every minute detail about him. Seemingly he was doing the same, taking the time to tenderly kiss and nibble his way over each of her smooth legs and belly towards each of her full breasts.

Gently massaging the places his mouth had been, Ed left no part of her unexplored. He trailed hot kisses up her neck and breathed roughly against her ear. Pulling the tie from his soft hair, she reveled in the feel of his golden bangs brushing her nipples as he lavished his full attention to them. Running her fingers down his strong back, she gently scored his skin with her nails as she tried to map every inch of him with her touch. Having his weight on her was intoxicating, every place their bodies touched was pure pleasure. He pressed his thick hardness between the slick heat of her thighs and began to slowly rub himself against her in a way that made her primally aware of the need to have him driving into her. A breathless sort of moan escaped her as Ed slipped the head of his erection up and down her sensitive nub while taking her mouth into a possessive, branding kiss. Her body reacted without thought attempting to take him inside her. Growling in a masculine sound that nearly had her shattering without even being penetrated, Ed seemed just as ready as she was.

As he slowly pushed into her, she thought she would reach completion immediately. He smiled triumphantly as he felt her wet readiness for him, his amber eyes hazy with lust but he remained unmoving savoring the sensation of being fully buried inside her. When he did begin to thrust, he rolled his hips into her rubbing her innermost point of abandon. Wrapping her long legs around his defined waist, he groaned as she moved with him in perfect unison, matching every motion wantonly. Grinding into her with delicious friction, Winry tightened her muscles around him drawing out a guttural obscenity. "Fuck, you feel so good." The phrase sounded arousing with his voice husky in passion. Being fully exposed to him with no reservations, Winry felt a tingle deep within her and she began shuddering. Feeling almost drunk as her intense orgasm began to peak. She was drunk on Edward, and it was this thought that echoed in her mind as she climaxed resonantly. Feeling him spasm inside her and breathe her name, Ed came as aftershocks were still pulsing through her. With a final push, he remained within her as he lowered his head to hers letting their ragged breathing slow together. She lovingly touched his face, silently thanking Garfiel for making her go out tonight so that she could experience this moment with Edward.

When Ed slipped out of her, she felt cold and hated that they were no longer connected intimately. A few seconds later, he laid down next to her and pulled her bereft body into his own, wrapping his warm arms around her. Closing her eyes, she finally felt whole again. He must have thought she had passed out because after awhile of laying still, he ran his fingers up her arm and cupped her cheek gently as if she would shatter, then sucked in a shallow breath and whispered quietly, "You have always been the best part of my life, and you deserve better than me." She tried to stay awake until she knew he had fallen asleep, for fear of him leaving her in the middle of the night again. However once his breathing settled into that familiar pattern she found herself lulled into a comfortable sense of security and was soon asleep.

When she woke, she sat up abruptly expecting to be met with the reality she had assumed would playing out and while she didn't see Ed, she heard a sound coming from downstairs. Making her way down to the makeshift kitchen, she was surprised to see Ed shirtless wearing what she assumed was Garfiel's apron cooking breakfast. A huge smile crossed her face as she realized he hadn't left, tears sprang to her eyes as she wondered if things would actually find a way of working out for once. Before he noticed her, she took a few moments to greedily take in the sight of him sleep mussed and sexy. When he turned to grab plates from the small table he saw her, his eyes had been furrowed as if in deep thought or concentration but when they met hers they shone brilliantly as a smile lit his own face. The blush that accompanied it sent her heart hammering into her throat. Come on! She had just slept with him last night, how could a simple blush affect her so much? She returned his blush with one of her own as she remembered their hasty entrance into the shop last night.

"Nice apron." Winry stated cheekily.

"Nice hair." Ed playfully tossed back. Her hands went straight to her head, trying to smooth the haystack that was her sex hair. She could only imagine what it looked like. He chuckled to himself at her half assed attempt to straighten herself, then he looked down at her choice of clothes and laughed more audibly. She had put on the first thing she had seen which was an oversize tee shirt and her work boots. Okay, so maybe she should have chosen a bit more carefully, but she was desperate to know what the aftermath of their night together would look like. Looking down at herself, a small snort escaped her. Taking her chances she walked up him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Aww, you made me breakfast?" Raising an eyebrow at him she began to walk around him, running her fingers over his taut abs when he caught her hand and spun her into him. Staring up at him, she waited for the action he would take and was rewarded with a sweet chaste kiss, followed by a light slap on the rear towards her chair. She was sure the blush covering her cheeks now wasn't the flattering kind, more splotchy in nature. How could she have never seen this sensually teasing side of him before, she should have just had her way with him years ago. "I didn't know you cook, let alone not burn the place down doing so." Smiling wryly at him, she gave him a little half wink.

"Well it's the only way I can be positive that nothing gets cooked with milk, I know you and Granny were always slipping it into food when you thought I wouldn't be able to tell."

"You couldn't tell and you know it, besides thank god we did because now you are a normal height." She carefully took her seat tucking the shirt behind her so that if Garfiel came down her modesty would still be moderately intact.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT NOT EVEN A KID WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS TRYING TO BURN ANTS COULD SEE, AUTOMAIL GEEK!" Still sensitive as ever, even though he was actually taller than her now.

"I'M PRETTY SURE WITHOUT MY PRECIOUS AUTOMAIL YOU'D BE RUSTING IN SOME ALLEYWAY, SHRIMP!" That hit the spot all right, in a few minutes he would be standing on a chair trying to make his points.

"YOUR PRECIOUS AUTOMAIL STUNTED MY GROWTH!" And in the blink of an eye, her wrench had materialized from her boot and hit him upside the head. "THAT DAMN THING SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IN ALL OF CONTINENTAL AMESTRIS!"

"YOU DIPSHIT, IT'S ALL CONTINENTAL!" After a second they both burst out laughing at her perfectly delivered true statement. Ed finally took a seat at the table and they enjoyed the first happy meal she had eaten in months, with laughter and bickering. Just the way it should be.

**AN: Alright guys...so that was my very first lemon ever. Be kind lol but let me know what you guys think. The story is not close to over just in case anyone wondered from the happy leave off for this chapter, there is still plenty of angst and deception coming. As always please REVIEW!**

**Also, if you have not checked out Insidious: Chronicle of the Fallen by Le Confidant, now is the time to get started reading because this last chapter was a bowl of sad soup in an amazing way. If you don't know what that means check it out and have a serving for yourself! (Or seconds hehe) But carry lube for the mind-fuckery as the author clearly states, you will need it.**


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Alright guys just wanted to say I'm so sorry for not updating in a while, as I posted in the update for AOS my wonderful Uncle Randy passed away recently and I have had a hard time doing anything productive. But I finally have started writing again. Big thanks to Le Confidant, ZilSepam, and canagg for reviewing chapter five and my very first lemon. I was nervous about it, and am so so grateful for your comments! Without further babble, here is chapter six. Please review!

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.

Oh, no, I see

A spider web, it's tangled up with me,

And I lost my head,

The thought of all the stupid things I'd said,

Oh, no, what's this?

A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,

So I turned to run,

The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

And I never meant to cause you trouble,

And I never meant to do you wrong,

And I, well, if I ever caused you trouble,

Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

- Coldplay, 'Trouble'

For Ed the week had passed in a type of rare bliss that he had rarely if ever experienced. Teasing, laughing and making love to Winry was exactly how he wanted to spend the rest of his days. Hell it had taken days for them to actually get his automail finished and attached between their frequent and frenzied passion. Just thinking of her filled his mind with images of his dear mechanic stretched naked with longing calling out his name. However he knew deep down where he didn't want to even think about facing yet was the issue of his upcoming nuptials and child- neither of which were with Winry. Over and over in his head he tried to recall how he had gotten himself into the mess he was currently in.

Edward had gone to Liore on a commissioned trip by Mustang to help by giving input on the structural damage caused by everything that had happened there a few years prior. The people of Liore had started strong on the rebuilding process but had been the target of many attacks in the last year and a half due to the cities overall naivety and poor choices. He was to go and speak with the head of construction about using some of the local alchemist or even aspiring alchemists to fix the city more quickly. Having sacrificed his own alchemy to restore his beloved brother to his human body, he wasn't able to just fix the buildings and houses himself. The goal was that with his tutelage and advice that the people would be able to return their city to it's former glory in a margin of the time it would take manually.

Upon his arrival however, he had stopped into a bar for some food and water when he found his friend Rose sitting alone with what appeared to be yellowing bruises and cuts all over her face and arms. Walking closer, he noted how thin and miserable she looked. When she noticed him coming towards her, she stiffened visibly.

"Rose what happened to you? Who did this to you?" Gesturing to the clear abuse written all over her face, he was infuriated by the thought of someone hurting her. Hadn't she already been through enough after losing her former boyfriend? He was paused waiting for an answer fruitlessly. "Hey, tell me what's on, I won't let anyone hurt you." And he wouldn't, he would tear the bastard that hurt her to pieces! He ducked his to get the attention of her downcast eyes, and what he saw there was nothing but a pain deadened expression. He had certainly seen that before, but he'd do anything to not see her wearing it now.

"Too late." Rose whispered while slamming another drink and taking another from the waiter who had just replaced the shot and mixed beverage she had. As she did this a shudder ran under her skin, but he wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or whatever was clearly on her mind.

Tilting her still downward tipped face so he could look at her, he heard her suck in a breath loudly just from his light touch. "Rose, how about you quit drinking and we can go for a walk? You can talk if you want to or not if you don't." Speaking gently so as not to spook her, he tried to coerce her to stop drinking, however after many moments of silence he surmised that wasn't happening and decided to do the only other thing he could think of. Granny had always said, 'You never let friends get hammered alone.' This was unfortunate for him considering he wasn't crazy about drinking. Pulling up a chair, he sank down and signaled for a drink. "Well, I hope you don't mind if I sit and drink with you until you are ready to be walked home..." She didn't say anything, just nodded pink bangs shaking their assent.

This was apparently where everything had gone wrong, all he could think of was that the alcohol content was different in Liore. Possibly the fermentation process was different to the few other liquors he'd had, maybe the distillment. Either way he was decidedly wrecked.

When he woke the next morning, he was naked cuddling with Rose. How the HELL he had gotten that drunk eluded him. In fact the last thing he remembered from the prior evening was that his drink had had an awful aftertaste like it had truly gone bad. If he felt this bewildered, how would Rose react upon waking next to him undressed? She had started drinking long before him and if the rest of the night was gone for him, would she even remember them speaking at all or just freak out that they were in bed together? Oh he was completely fucked. All the way around. Even worse was the fact that she had clearly been abused recently. 'Oh just fucking perfect!' he berated himself internally.

Of course, Rose began to wake at that moment, and apparently in great confusion. She had sat up gingerly as if hosting a horrible hangover and dazedly tried to focus her eyes on the world. The second she noticed him and then his state of undress, and then her own nudity, her eyes became huge and horrified as she took the situation in.

"Edward! What are you doing here? Why are we naked!?" Rose scrambled to cover her quite bare breasts.

Blushing, Ed turned quickly the other direction ceding her some sort of privacy. "Uh, actually I was going to ask you the same thing. Heh." Laughing awkwardly Edward was desperate to get out of his current situation. Just then an unwelcome thought hit him, how was he supposed to keep this from Winry? HOLY FUCK! If she found out she wouldn't just be angry for him leaving, she would think that he wanted to be with Rose especially given the note he had left her before. This was certainly his nightmare. They weren't technically together, and that was his fault. He had gotten scared of their intimacy and what that would mean and left without even saying goodbye and now they may never be together given his drunken stupidity. Maybe he wouldn't have to tell her.

"Edward, I'm pretty sure we were intimate last night." Or maybe he would die from the internal bleeding he would have inside his head after Winry beat him to death. He didn't even know how to react to her statement. Really he had no way of knowing. He could imagine a woman would know and maybe if he didn't feel so awful he would be able to tell, but everything felt off right then. As she began to shake subtly, she dropped her head and let her hair cover her face from him. But a few seconds later he heard the telltale wet sniff of tears. Oh fuck, he was fucked. And now he was the asshole who had inadvertently taken advantage of an already broken woman, who was supposed to be his friend. Could he possibly be a worse person than he seemed to be? Walking slowly to her to show his intentions, he sat back on her bed and took the hand that wasn't holding the blanket tightly against her.

"Rose, hey, I'm sorry. I don't even remember coming back here last night. I just found you at the bar and you were trashed so I didn't want you to sit and drink by yourself. I never meant for this to happen. I would never want to hurt you, or make you cry." At his words she just cried harder. Staying by her side, he just tried to comfort her at a reasonable distance until she calmed down.

"I don't know what I will do Ed, I don't see a condom around here. What if I get pregnant? I would be ostracized by the people here. They do not look kindly upon unwed women with children." Swallowing hard, he too had glanced the room for one after she had come to the conclusion that they had had sex. Of course if they found out she was pregnant he would have to marry her. Liore was a judgmental place, they were a very pious people as he had learned from the whole Cornello event before. They weren't bad people just very strict in what had been deemed sinful. Winry would kill him. If that came to be so, he would have to get over his commitment issues and fast. He had vowed never to be like his absentee father Hohenheim if and when he ever had children.

"Well, we won't know for a while so there isn't a reason to panic yet. I'm going to be in Liore for a while working with some of the local aspiring alchemists, so if you need anything I'll be here. And if you find out that you are pregnant we can go from there." Sighing to himself, he just wished to leave and get some fresh air for a little bit. He was hoping that with time the details of the night would become clear to him and he would be able to absolve himself somehow. "I'm going to get dressed real quick, you should too." Bending to pick up his clothes which were strewn precariously around the room, he walked down the hall to the restroom. How could he have been so stupid? He hardly ever drank, but his tolerance had always seemed fairly decent, it just didn't make sense to him. Turning the light back off he headed back towards the room and knocked on the door, not that all the manners in the world could turn back time. When he heard her soft reply he entered to let her know that he was leaving. With a glazed look that held more tears, she told him goodbye and he said he would check on her later.

As he left her apartment he had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that things were never going to be the same.

Around a month after their one night stand, Ed was getting ready to leave the site that he had been overseeing the rebuilding of to find Rose pacing nervously. The second his eyes met hers, he knew in his gut that he was fucked. He would have to marry her, a woman he didn't love. Even worse, he would have to tell Winry. She would never forgive him for this. As Rose spoke the damning words he was expecting, he felt an intense nausea come over him. Breaking out in a full body sweat he focused on breathing slowly in and out. He concentrated on the feel of his own puffs of hot breath to keep him from losing consciousness. He couldn't remember feeling this horrible in his entire life and he'd experienced some fairly traumatic things. He didn't even really hear Rose asking him if he was alright over the thudding in his ears. When he attempted to answer her, he found that his mouth had gone painfully dry. Apparently he must've responded without even registering it though because she seemed mildly less anxious. He informed her that he would do the right thing and take care of both her and the baby not only monetarily but by making an honest woman of her. For him these were certainly the most soul wrenching words he would ever utter and not in the way he'd believed he one day would.

After everything he'd been through in his life between trying to resurrect their mother with human transmutation and only succeeding in losing Al's body and his own arm and leg for the knowledge he saw and the sacrifice he made to save his brother's soul and the years of trying and succeeding to restore Alphonse back to his body, he had believed something good had to happen. After having to save the entire country from a being trying to become more powerful than God and bringing himself and his brother home to Winry and Granny in one piece, he'd thought he would finally get to know peace and quiet. After giving up his Alchemy and becoming independent without it, he had thought surely he would be able to find a new happiness. Maybe even happiness with the one person he'd held as dear to him as his brother, but even that was being ripped from his grasp before he'd even had time to appreciate it. WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO TO DESERVE THIS!? Was he really still paying for his sins from the past? If so then there really was no such thing as Equivalent Exchange and the guiding principle for which he had followed his whole life was a lie.

Rose had rambled on further about plans but he had just tuned her out and become introverted wondering if this was how the rest of his life was going to be...

AN: Alright guys this is just part one of Ed's view point and story so hang in there for more and always please let me know what you think good or bad with a review! Thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Hey everyone! Here is yet another chapter from Ed's POV, hope you guys like the insight to what's going on inside him. A HUGE thanks to Le Confidant, ZilSepam, canagg, JokerOak, RuKkA and AnimeControl for your reviews and guesses as to what could be going on : ) Please feel free to toss suggestions and criticisms as you see fit! I would love to hear anything you guys have to say!**

**Disclaimer: No rights to FMA.**

**"I'm coming up only to hold you under**

**And coming up only to show you're wrong**

**And to know you is hard; we wonder...**

**To know you all wrong; we warn.**

**Really too late to call,**

**So we wait for morning**

**To wake you is all we got**

**To know me as hardly golden,**

**Is to know me all wrong, they warn."**

**'The Funeral' - Band of Horses**

For around a week, Ed had done not one damn productive thing. Sure he had shown up to his job, he'd gone through the motions of his life but he hadn't heard or retained anything since hearing the news that in a few months he would be a father and a husband to a woman he didn't love. This thought brought back the reality that he would have to tell Winry and soon. She was bound to get news about the wedding since Rose had almost immediately began telling anyone who would listen. He liked to believe she was trying to overcompensate, so when she was delivering their child in less months than they would be married for people wouldn't look askance at her. However, his gut which was steadily becoming more frequently correct was saying otherwise, but why else would she be so fervently spreading the word?

Just yesterday he had finally gotten ahold of Alphonse to tell him everything that was going on. Needless to say, he was beyond floored by the news. Unfortunately, Alphonse had been the voice of reason that he hadn't been ready to hear. Not that that was much different from usual, Al had always been infinitely mature for his age, clearly getting all of the common sense between them. He had made Edward promise that he would go and tell Winry what was going on so she wouldn't hear about it from any other source. A long silence had eaten up the space between them then, he had been hoping to deflect Al's request by letting it drop. That was apparently not going to happen this time. Only after he had wrung a reluctant promise that Ed would travel to Resembool and speak with her, did Al let the subject drop. From the disapproving tone in his little brother's voice, he could tell that even though the subject had been back burnered verbally that it certainly hadn't left the forefront of his mind. Finally after more awkward conversation, he had said goodbye.

Hanging up the phone he had proceeded to call Central and let Mustang know that he would need to go to Resembool for an unspecified amount of time. That had actually been less awful than he expected it to be, and far less trying than speaking with Alphonse. Of course he also hadn't explained to Mustang what had come up, just that something important had taken the precedent and that he was in no mood for bullshit. Lastly, he went by where Rose had taken up working to let her know that he would be leaving for a while. They hadn't spoken about Winry, so she had no idea that he had someone who deserved a million apologies and would probably except none. Giving her a bland smile, he said he would be back as soon as he could be. Luckily for him, she had been in such a state of happiness that she didn't even notice his forced attentions. Without a backward glance, he made his way out of Liore.

* * *

Upon his arrival to Resembool, he decided to just go see what Winry and Granny were doing without announcing his presence. However halfway up the drive, he glimpsed the shimmering strands of blonde hair that had to belong to Winry coming out the front door and dove behind a tree. He had faced down the homunculi, Father and Truth and yet couldn't make himself stand up in front her to admit his failure. Scooting around the tree silently as she began to pass, he heard her singing softly to herself. A sad melody, with even more melancholy lyrics. He'd never heard her sing before, and he would've given anything in that moment to hear her sing a happy tune. Her voice was remnant of the sound of a violin when it sobbed quietly in a high range. Just listening to her felt like she was singing a song written just for his inner turmoil and depression. He watched as she faded into the distance, thinking how much even her walking away from him unknowingly was a portent of what was to come. There was no way she would ever be able to remain his friend after he told her of his unforgivable act.

With his head hung, he began walking towards town to clear his head for a bit before going back to tell her. As if holding onto the illusion of what they had shared for even a bit longer would fix anything. Stepping into the bar he had passed so many times before, he ordered a double shot of whiskey straight up. Tossing it back, he felt the the instant burn that accompanied the liquor warm his seemingly eternal chill. Staring at the rows of alcohol on the shelf without really seeing them, he tried to visualize how his life should have gone.

He imagined his mother alive and well, his father by her side. He pretended that Alphonse had never been stuck in a suit of armor for a large part of his life and that they had gone to school with Winry just like any other normal children. He watched his transition from boy to teenager as he began to feel the shift in his feelings for Winry change from friendliness to awkward attraction. He saw himself take her to the school's formal, her dressed so stunningly that it took his breath away. They danced a stunted, bumbling distance apart at the beginning of the evening, gradually becoming more confident and comfortable within eachother's arms as the night wore on. As he walked her to the door she stared up at him nervously and as she went to enter her home, he grabbed her desperately pulling her into their first kiss. People would laugh and make jokes about how they had been best friends and neighbors their whole lives, and now on their wedding day the high school sweethearts would promise forever to eachother.

His father would walk Winry down the aisle, and then she would take her place by his side, where she had always been meant to be. Pretty tears of happiness would fall from his mother's eyes as they spoke their vows in front of their loved ones. Turning to Alphonse, his brother and best friend, he would take their rings from him with a hugely lit smile. Then as they were announced to everyone as Mr. and Mrs. Edward Elric, he would see the tears of joy trailing down Winry's soft cheeks and kiss her with every ounce of undeniable love and complete wholeness he felt with her.

Swallowing audibly, he blinked his eyes hard to keep the tears that had welled up from spilling and making him look absolutely pathetic in this public bar. Paying the barkeep, he stood resolutely to completely destroy every wonderful illusion he had built up in his mind.

* * *

Pulling himself back into the moment, Edward acknowledged what he'd been forcibly trying to keep from his mind for days now. As much as he wanted to stay with Winry and forget the facts that were so tragically true, he couldn't ignore the nagging voice inside his head that told him that he knew right from wrong and he'd done more than his fair share of wrong in the last week. However, that trail of thought brought on another. He would have to tell Winry yet again that he was leaving. He couldn't stand the picture that came to mind of her having to pick up the pieces of her life a second time. Not only had he left her, but Granny Pinako had passed away and he hadn't been there for her when she probably needed him the most. Time and time again, Winry had jumped at any opportunity to help him in any way that she could. Just taking this week for instance, he had been able to clearly see how much damage he had caused her and still she had made him a new automail leg.

Shaking his head in disgust with himself, he rose from the bed to look at aftermath of yet another night of fantasy turned reality and wondered how could have put Winry in the position that he was about to. He contemplated what he was going to say to her and her face crumpling in sorrowful defeat. Or even worse, an expression of disappointed loathing. Those brilliant blue eyes piercing directly into him as he would break her heart again, except this time it would be worse for both of them. Before when he had left her with the facts of his shitty future they had hardly spent any time together intimately. He had never experienced the joy of waking with her curled up in his arms, hair crowned by the morning sunlight. He had never previously known what it was to feel completion. If he thought leaving her the first time was unbearable, he could only guess the toll it would take on him now. Coming to a conclusion that he liked just a little, he decided he would leave now, this minute while she was at the grocery store. A smile touched his lips as he remembered her telling him that if she was going to keep his stomach full, and hers also, that they would need far more than the meager rations she had been sustaining herself with prior to his arrival in Rush Valley. As quickly as it had come, the smile vanished, replacing it's former warmth with a cold frown.

Looking in the mirror on the vanity, he figured he might as well get used to this expression because there would be no more inside jokes. There would be no more silly arguments or wrenches. No lovely smiles or long legs. No heated glances or nights that seemed so short that they would stay up until the sun bridged the sky just to have more time together. Even if they did see eachother again, she would surely hate him and he would have no reason to smile again anyway. Slipping his pants and boots on, he made his way out of her room and out of the small shop. Trudging forward seemed to take every ounce of will that he had. His steps taken one at a time, while wearing leadened boots. As he bought his ticket for the next train to Liore, he realized he really should have checked on train times beforehand because now he would spend the better part of the day at the station on the hard benches. In reality, he deserved no less and maybe the discomfort on his body would be a pain reliever to his aching heart. His breaths were already far too short and disjointed to be considered healthy, and the weight on his chest was worrisome. He felt like he was dying and for some reason, he still continued on, being driven forward by some force unnamed.

* * *

**AN: There you have it guys, Ed's view point. Now it's up to you from your reviews to let me know whose view you would like to see next, Rose or Winry's.**


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